Indecision and the unknown
This was not love at first or even second sight....but at third sight I was falling and couldn't stop myself. Today I woke up and wondered if perhaps I have gone too far too soon and if this is going to be like all the other times before but something tells me that it won't. That he won't. My heart tells me that this time it will be different but my mind tells me that its time to run, to leave right now.
I moved to the city just 2 months ago from somewhere in little-known Africa, looking for escape, for a new life and somehow I meet someone I wasn't even looking for. In amongst the homesickness and loneliness I found a friend, a hand to hold, a smile to lose myself in, a kiss to warm me in this bitter coldness and with all my soul I want to know that I can stay here in these few precious moments we have forged together. Too many times before I have stood on this very same precipice of the unknown and wildly thrown myself off with joyful abandon and no regard for my heart which was broken piece by tiny piece until I didn't even recognise it. Now I stand here again and wonder if it is all worth it. Worth it after I have taught myself not to feel or to long for another, to live alone and without the need for someone else to share this life with.
I am scared. I am weary. I am wanting to be loved. Do I stay or do I go? Do I leave right now before its too late for me?